Welcome to the Chrysalis Chronicle
I used to be proud and happy about the person I was. Young Liz was fun and outgoing, laid back and friendly. She was motivated and always pushed herself past her limits. She took negativity and used it as fuel to make herself greater. She was independent and self-reliant. She was talented and pursued hobbies that she enjoyed. She was organized and focused, determined to reach her goals and fulfill her dreams. She was fearless…that is, until she wasn’t.
Trauma Liz is a stranger to me. I’m not sure who this chick is, or where she came from, but I’m not crazy about her. She struggles every single day to accomplish simple tasks. She is anxious and socially awkward, unable to feel comfort anywhere outside of her home (and sometimes even within her home). She suffers from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Major Depression, Panic Disorder, and Traumatic Brain Injury – all of which have consumed her life and left her feeling hopeless and afraid. She has no hobbies, and finds very little (if any) enjoyment from any activity she involves herself in. She shuts people out even though her sense of loneliness is overwhelming. She struggles to realize her purpose in life, and is often convinced that she doesn’t have one. Sometimes, she even feels that life would be better off without her in it.
I miss young Liz. I miss being fun, having friends, and enjoying an active social life. I miss the days when nothing scared me. The days I pushed myself past every limit just to prove that I could do it. I miss having talents and hobbies, and pursuing the goals and dreams I set for myself. I miss feeling like my life had purpose. And I desperately want those things back.
I know I can never go back to the person I used to be. I’ve seen and experienced too much to ever go back. I also know that I’m not the person I want to be. Not even close. So here I am, trapped within this chrysalis of life transformation, leaving behind the person I used to be to become the person I’m meant to be. And I am using every piece of my soul to ensure that I emerge from my shell as beautiful as the butterfly who once thought a caterpillar was all it would ever be.
This is my journey from within the chrysalis and beyond, and I’m honored to have you share it with me.
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